Taking Care of Myself

In January 2021 I didn’t want to make any big New Years resolutions or set any big goals. We’d just made it through the toughest year of many of our lives, and I was feeling content to just live. I’d also had a baby less than six months ago and started a job within the previous two weeks. It seemed like enough. It was probably more than enough.

I had one thought, though: “I’d like to write in my blog a bit more.”

It’s now mid-February, and I have one published post in 2021. This year had a rough start–remember the new job and baby? Those are big, huge life-changing things. I’m still figuring them out. And in early Feb, I went through a rough point. I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of where my head and emotions were at, but I’ll just say it was a bad place. And I knew I needed to make some changes. Here’s what I did what I’m doing to try and take better care of myself:

I take a break after work.

For a half hour or so after work, I take a break. I used to have this thing called a “commute” after work, where I’d spend 20-30 minutes in the car, driving listening to an audiobook or podcast as I drove home. It allowed me to have something that separated work from the family care I’d be doing when I walked in the house.

I’ve been working remotely for over three years now, and I miss the commute. My husband finally told me to take some time for myself in the office when I’m done working. I initially balked. He’s with the kids all day long, and now he should wait even longer for me to emerge from the office so he can do something other than care for them? How is that fair to him?

He told me he could take a break after my break, or later on, and he’d rather have me feel refreshed and actually ready to spend time with the kids, instead of just mentally drained.

It works. After a 20-30 minute break, I’m ready to play with my kids until it’s time to make dinner.

I started therapy.

I’ve known for a while that I’d probably benefit from therapy, but I hesitated. I went through quite a bit of it as a kid and never found it that helpful. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that it wasn’t my idea, and I didn’t have anything I wanted to get out of it. I started thinking that maybe if I did it on my own terms now that I’m an adult, and have some goals in mind, I might get more out of it.

What finally made me pull the trigger was that I realized that as a tiny benefit to this horrible pandemic, it’s all being done virtually. No need to go to a physical office. I can’t tell you now if it’s successful or not, but it is nice to have someone who is being paid to listen to you without judgement.

I started ADHD medication.

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD twice (this is fairly normal for adults with ADHD who were initially diagnosed as children) but haven’t been on much medication. I was managing it myself.

The self-management worked for a long time, until it didn’t. Remember the new baby and the new job? My responsibilities were increasing. I hit a “I can’t do this like this anymore” wall. I’m now working with my doctor to find the right medicine and dose to help me be my best self.

Rethinking “Self Care”

The term “self care” is popular, but I usually hear it paired with one time things like taking a bubble bath or watching a feel-good movie. These aren’t bad things. But what I’m trying to do, and what I think self care should be more about, is beyond that. I think self care should be about making changes to make your life better. I’m hoping the changes I’m making will help me lead a more contented life.

Cover Photo by Sean O.on Unsplash. I miss summer.

Hello, Baby Girl

In the wee hours of the morning on July 13, 2020 I gave birth to my baby girl. I’d gone through a difficult pregnancy: gestational diabetes on top of the normal discomfort of being pregnant and, of course, a global pandemic. I wasn’t certain I wanted a second child, but the moment I saw her face I was completely besotted.

Almost five months later and we have the world’s smiliest baby. She’s so happy and growing like a weed: 93rd percentile for height! It’s been hard having a baby during a pandemic: we haven’t been able to introduce her properly to family and friends. We’ve had to keep her to ourselves.

She’s mostly content and sleeps great. She loves having her belly “eaten” and when her brother makes silly faces. She laughs and laughs.

I don’t normally share photos of my kids publicly, but just look at this smiling face. I can’t not. I just can’t.

More changes are coming. I’m starting a new job next week. I’m still in software engineering, but switching industries from e-commerce to cyber security.

I am closing down my kitting blog, but I do have a mailing list for my yarn dyeing adventures if anyone is interested.

We’re approaching the deep, dark parts of winter I usually shudder away from, but this year I’m trying to think about it differently. I have a new job and two beautiful children. COVID vaccines are imminent. Sometimes things need to freeze and thaw to begin anew.

Cover Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash